


The Chicken Whisperer

by pasdexcuses



Category: Social Network (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasdexcuses/pseuds/pasdexcuses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Eduardo talks to the chicken</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Chicken Whisperer

**Author's Note:**

> Eh... for some prompt on the kink meme that I can't find. 
> 
>  **ETA:** [prompt](http://tsn-kinkmeme.livejournal.com/8388.html?thread=15116228#t15116228) has been found. Thanks, [](http://casey-sms.livejournal.com/profile)[**casey_sms**](http://casey-sms.livejournal.com/), you're a darling!

**Disclaimer:** This work is based on the characters as portrayed in the movie The Social Network, not real people. And, obviously, I’m not making any money from this. 

**_The Chicken Whisperer_ **

Mark stumbles into his dorm at some point in the afternoon. Why he still bothers with classes is beyond him because, clearly, Facebook is far more important. Anyone can see that. But that is not the point here. 

The point here is that Mark opens the room to find a very tired Eduardo hunched over his chicken cage. Stupid Phoenix Club. A chicken… how _original_ … NOT. But that is not the point either.

The point is Eduardo is hunched over the cage, his lips are moving, sound coming out of them like Eduardo is actually talking to the freaking chicken. The chicken! What is he, delusional? And apparently, this chicken has to be quite the conversationalist because Eduardo doesn’t even notice Mark coming in. 

Eduardo just keeps talking. To the chicken. Because that is absolutely normal behavior.   

“It’s your fault he’s mad at me,” Eduardo accuses, his finger pointing in between the chicken’s eyes. “Why couldn’t you have told me _don’t_ eat chicken? Like, how was I supposed to know? Plus, everyone on campus thinks I’m an animal-torturer, which, incidentally, is your fault, too. You know, I really tried to like you but it’s clear to me you’re not making any efforts. I don’t get it. If you don’t like it, just squawk or—“

And that’s just sad. Mark feels compelled to stop Eduardo. Really, it’s his duty as Eduardo’s friend.

“Wardo, you do know that chicken won’t answer you, right?” Mark asks, still standing on the doorway.

Slowly, Eduardo turns around to face him. For a moment, Eduardo looks so embarrassed Mark thinks he’s going to leave. 

And then he says, “It might not talk but that chicken totally gets it.”

“ _What_?”

What is Eduardo even saying? Has he actually lost it?

“Look, it totally tilted his head.” And, for educational purposes, Mark assumes, Eduardo tilts his own head as though he’s doing a chicken impersonation. “And gave me this ‘Really, Eduardo, really?’ look. _I saw it in his eyes_.”

“Do you have a fever?” Mark asks, his mind still having a hard time processing Eduardo’s _face_. 

“What? No.”

“Then, I think you’ve finally gone crazy.”

“It’s true! That chicken hates me!”

Mark considers this. It does seem rather accurate to say the chicken isn’t fond of Eduardo. But Mark wouldn’t be fond of someone who tried to feed him another bit of human flesh. And, oh, okay, gross. 

Mark really, really doesn’t want to think about it. 

“Whatever, Wardo,” he says as he walks into his room, closing the door behind himself.

He needs to code. 

*

At some point in the early hours of the morning, Mark finds that he needs to use the bathroom, which is both annoying and disconcerting but he’s still human so there’s not much he can do about that. For now. 

Mark is really just a step away from the door when he hears a cluck on the other side. 

“Shut up!” comes Eduardo’s voice in a hiss. “He’s going to really, _really_ hate me if you interrupt now.”

Okay, what the hell is Eduardo doing talking to that chicken again?

“Listen, I know you don’t like me, and trust me, you’re not my favorite per- animal, you’re not my favorite _animal_ either but let’s just call it a truce,” Eduardo says in earnest. There’s silence for a moment before Mark hears Eduardo again. “No, don’t look at me like that. It’s your fault Mark hates us now. He’s so mad at us, so shut it.” 

Then there’s yet another cluck, this time louder. Well, apparently Eduardo is no chicken whisperer.

“God! I hate you so much. I hate you, you stupid chicken!” 

Maybe Mark should step in. Help Eduardo get back to his senses. But before Mark does, Eduardo talks again.

“Oh, no,” Eduardo all but whines. “No, no, chicken. I don’t _really_ hate you. It’s just… I don’t want Mark to be mad at us,” Eduardo whispers like it’s a confession.

Mark honestly has no idea which is more absurd. That Eduardo talks to the chicken like it has feelings or that Mark starts to feel like he’s listening in on a very private conversation between Eduardo and his chicken. 

God, the mere thought of it sound ludicrous.

“I,” Eduardo stars in a low, sad voice. “I think we’ve ruined them, okay? My chances with Mark. Like, he’ll never love me after this.”

And that’s… Okay, Mark has no idea what that is but it’s certainly unexpected. Just as this sudden _jump_ his heart is doing. Because Mark’s heart is doing some strange things right now. _Happy fluttering_ , a voice in Mark’s head that sounds frighteningly a lot like Dustin says. 

“I mean, he already has Facebook taking up his time, and now _this_. You made me look really bad, chicken. And… I don’t want Mark to hate me,” Eduardo continues, sighing. “Look, let’s just say we were both at fault and try to get on until the rest of your stay, okay? Do that for me? Behave?”

Well, Mark can’t take this anymore. He can’t have his heart pulling ridiculous stunts on him because Eduardo is being all adorable with his chicken. Mark bets he even has the Bambi eyes going on. Wait, he didn’t just refer to Eduardo as adorable did he? Oh, God. This chicken thing, it’s like an infection or something. Like an STD. Mark tries to push it all in a dark, dark corner in his mind. Because his thoughts are making no sense and his body is doing stupid shit. 

Plus, he really needs to use that bathroom. Throwing the door open, Mark has to remind himself that staring is rude when he finds Eduardo with a finger inside the cage, _caressing_ the chicken. Eduardo turns his face to Mark instantly. He’s staring, too but Mark crosses the few steps there are to the bathroom where he tries really hard not to think about how sad Eduardo’s eyes looked. 

When he goes out, Eduardo is still gaping at Mark.

“Mark, how long did—“ Eduardo starts but Mark interrupts him.

“Look, Wardo, it can’t be eavesdropping when it’s not a really conversation,” Mark says without thinking much about it.

It’s only after the words come out that he realizes he might not have made much sense.

“ _What_?” Eduardo asks.

“I… I didn’t mean to listen in on you and your chicken but this _is_ my dorm,” Mark explains. 

“Oh, God.”

Eduardo’s face looks even more embarrassed. Mark didn’t think that was humanly possible. 

“I…” Eduardo starts nervously. “I think I have to go. You probably don’t want any interruptions, and this chicken is gonna keep clucking because it hates me, so…”

Mark doesn’t think he’s gonna make any attempts to keep Eduardo there. Except then, he totally grabs Eduardo by the elbow when he’s about to turn the doorknob, chicken cage in hand.

“Wardo…” Mark’s voice trails off. He doesn’t know what to say or why he even stopped Eduardo from getting out. The only  thing Mark knows is that his heart has started doing the funny things again. The funny things that aren’t even funny because they make Mark feel like he’s having a heart-attack while he falls down a cliff. Which, again, isn’t funny at all. 

But now Eduardo is staring at him with his big, brown eyes, and Mark has to _say_ something, okay?

“Look, a chicken is not going to ruin your chances,” Mark hears himself say.

Eduardo makes this ‘ _oh_ ’ sound that could mean anything from, ‘Oh, you really did listen to my conversation’ to ‘Oh, I think I hate you’. It’s frustrating. And then Eduardo isn’t talking again. He’s just perfectly silent as he puts down the cage. 

And people say Mark is the one with the communication problems. 

“Do you really mean that?” Eduardo asks, his voice hopeful.

Eduardo is staring at Mark. 

And Mark is staring at Eduardo.

Maybe Mark nods.

Maybe Eduardo sees it. 

It’s simply too dark to tell.

But then Eduardo’s lips are on Mark’s, and Mark’s heart is beating faster, faster and louder, louder. Really, it’s just drumming against his ribcage. Maybe Mark should be worried he’s developing heart problems. Yet Eduardo’s lips are so soft and wet and full. Mark doesn’t give a shit about his health.

He wants to keep kissing Eduardo. For the rest of his life. Maybe more. Because Eduardo tastes so good. And he kisses like a god. Not that Mark believes in gods at all. But if they did exist, they’d definitely kiss like Eduardo. Because Eduardo’s lips are perfect. 

“I’m so happy right now,” Eduardo says against Mark’s lips.

Mark can feel Eduardo smiling.

Maybe Mark smiles back, too. 

And then the chicken clucks but it doesn’t kill the mood because _nothing_ can kill this mood. Except maybe an earthquake. And even then. Mark would have to think twice about it. 

Still, _stupid chicken_.

“See?” Eduardo whispers on Mark’s mouth. “I keep telling you that chicken fucking hates me.” 

  



End file.
